You might be wondering why your husband yells at you.

I am sure you would agree that seldom is it a good situation when you and your husband resort to loud shouting matches.

But what if you are married to a guy who finds it far too comfortable to scream or yell at you to make his point. Such a situation suggests the marriage or relationship is flawed.

Are you married to a man who raises his voice at you far too often?

You certainly do not deserve that kind of treatment.  No one does.

Do you find yourself spending far too much of your time trying to calm or tame your angry and loud husband?

Can you really trust that what your husband is saying is really what he means or is there something else going on?  I actually wrote a post about this particular topic recently…

Why does he behave this way and what are your options?

how to tame your husband's fury

What Can You Do To Tame Your Husband?

Do you ever feel that there is a beast that seems to rise out of your husband?

Is your hubby’s behavior something you can tame or are you trapped living with a guy who periodically unravels?

You need not resigned yourself to a marriage in which you are always on the receiving end of your husband’s wrath.

These are all tough questions for any wife to have to deal with.  Let’s try to get some perspective.

It is important that you understand a few simple principles on how things should really work within a healthy, functional marriage.

First of all, it is never acceptable for a husband or any spouse to resort to loud, belittling or intimidating behavior in the marriage.  If that is what is going on in your relationship, then the man you are married to has many lessons to learn.

And if such behavior continues to happen with frequency, even after multiple efforts to resolve the problem, then you should give serious consideration to ending the relationship.

There is nothing more toxic to a marriage than being around a husband (or spouse) that frequently resorts to loud and abusive behavior.

So if you find yourself in a marital environment in which yelling or shouting has become the norm, then something needs to change to upset that routine.

It seldom does anyone any good if conflicts always ends in the spouses becoming upset, raising their voices and using obnoxious, threatening tones to get their points across.

Are You Married To a Loud and Abusive Husband?

hitched up to a guy who yells

There  are all different types of abuse which are sometimes practiced in marriages.

None of them are good.

Even in a solid marriage, a reasonable and decent husband can completely lose his head and just take it all out on his wife, only later to come back with apologies as he realizes the shameful way he behaved.

When a husband succumbs to that little pocket of cruelty that may lie within him, he in effect has broken his vow to love and cherish and protect his wife.

Why might your husband behave in a selfish way?  I got into this topic in the article below….

If your man is not making you feel safe and secure, something is wrong.

Let’s say you hubby has had a really bad day, but so to have you.  He is smoldering as he tries to contain his angry feelings about his day.  When you try to talk to him about your problems at work, let’s say he simply loses it and starts loudly ripping at you about how you are always dumping your problems on him.

Is this acceptable?  Should he get a pass?


While your guy may be a wonderful man, his outburst and yelling neither serves to calm your troubled mind or improve the environment around the house.

The fact of the matter is that your husband’s outburst is form of marital abuse that is unacceptable.

Married men and women are all guilty of the occasional fly off the handle moment.  It happens.  The key is that it should happen rarely and when a loud angry outburst does occur, the people involved should immediately work to suppress the lesser angels of their soul.

But this type of incident pales in comparison to those cases in which the husband consistently behaves in a crude, cruel, loud, and over the top type fashion.

If you have a husband who feels he must dominate and control every conversation and topic without argument and feels it is acceptable to shout you into submission if you dare disagree, that is a form of an abuse that is intolerable.

Verbal and emotional abuse can take on all kinds of forms and are often employed as a control mechanism or to instill fear, which leads us back to a spouse who is overly concerned about domination and control.

Such marriages are unhealthy to the bone.

If you find yourself on the receiving end of such cruel spousal treatment, then something needs to change.

It is not normal for a couple to be reduced to shouting matches.  It does not serve the marriage for a husband and wife to become accustomed to screaming and shouting, just to make their point.

And when vulgarity, profanity, and put downs colors the language of the relationship, rarely does anything good come of that type of behavior.

The other day, I heard from Trisha who was really feeling low.  She had just come out of an ugly fuss fest with her husband of two years and things had gotten out of hand.

Here is how she tells it:

My man hates me.  I am sure of it. When my husband gets right up into my face and starts screaming, I am petrified. What do you do when you are married to a man who thinks shouting is the way you get your point across.  I am thinking of leaving him. Most of the time I feel stricken with fear that he will shout me down at the least little thing I do.  He doesn’t care what he says or how he says it. He likes to throw in all kinds of vulgarities for effect.   Marriage isn’t suppose to be about who can scream the loudest at each other. It shouldn’t be a race to the finish line of who can hurl the worst insults and intimidate the other. It is like I am married to a guy with a hair-trigger temper and when things don’t turn out well, I get blamed.  I should have known it would turn out this way because his ex warned me that he was the loudest and most obnoxious man she ever met. I didn’t believe her.  But now I do. I don’t want this anymore and need your help to find the nearest exit.

It is really sad when your relationship is defined by the amount of profanity and the volume the spouses spew at each other.

It truly is a toxic situation if you’re married to a guy who feels he can shout and scream with repercussion.

And that is truly a problem and unfortunately it is often repeated.  Many women who I consult with tell me they hate being victimized and screamed at when their husband is feeling the pressure. But they also will tell me they feel they have a lot invested in the marriage.

Something has to give as this is not a sustainable way to live a life.

They will tell me things like,

“I know he is this way and I resent him for it.  But then when it is over he will come begging back with apologies in hand. I don’t want to throw out the good with the bad.”


” Why my husband finds it necessary to resort to shouting me down when we are fighting I can never understand.  I have told him it damages us and his behavior needs to stop.  My husband promises he will stop hollering when things go awry, but then he breaks the promise again and again.  Some days I feel like our marriage needs to end. Then I remember all the loving things he has done for me.  I feel like I am conditioned to put up with his bad boy outbursts. What do you when your husband freaks out and acts like a madman, then turns around later and lays down the charm?  I feel stuck and split down the middle on what to do or how I should think about this marriage.”

The Top 3 Ways To Handle A Fussy Husband

living with a man who screams at you

For women who have had similar experiences as I laid out above, you have my sympathy.  I understand your pain.

But you need to know that there are avenues you can take to better your situation.

Being married to a fussy husband is not unusual. There are measures you can take to manage these situations.

But when they evolve into an abusive kind of guy who thinks he has a license to whip up the volume of his voice whenever it suits him…..that is unacceptable

Let’s start with those married men who resort to shouting or raising their voice to dominate the conversation or argument.  Let’s assume for these kind of guys, their propensity to give end to their bad boy side is not a frequent occurrence.

Nevertheless, such behavior can chaff the nerves of the good wife at the very least and at worse…. threaten the health of the marriage when things get out of hand.

So how do you deal with this type of behavior?

Here are a few ideas you can put to action if you find yourself on the receiving end of a husband who thinks screaming and howling at you is his way to resolve things.

Name the Behavior and its Impact On YOU

telling it like it is to a yeller

Sometimes your husband may not be aware that he is screaming at you.

While this is not the case for all men because some guys know exactly what they are doing, there are some dudes who just get overwhelmed with some much passion they can barely contains themselves.

As a result they can lash out and resort to yelling to make their point.

If your husband falls into this category, one way to slow him down is simply name the behavior.

In other words, simply describe and reflect back what he is doing and how it affects you on an emotional level.

For example: “You are raising your voice and losing control. When you act this way it makes me feel belittled and unsafe”.

Sometimes guys just lose it and the volume of their voice can rise out of control without them even realizing it.

So give your hubby a wake up call. It is like a little verbal smack.  Let them know, in no uncertain terms, how they are behaving and how it hurts to be treated that way.

Leave When Your Husband Screams at You.

leave and give him space

Now, I don’t mean this to sound so dramatic.  I am not advocating you end the marriage and walk out of his life. But there are ways in which you can defuse the situation with your husband if you remove yourself from the equation.

Remember,  You don’t need to be your husband’s verbal abuse punching bag.  If he is going to scream at you, that’s it, you do not need to tolerate that kind of behavior.

Now, there are different ways a wife can handle a screaming and shouting husband.

If your man becomes loud, irate and unglued, then leave the house.  Get out.

There is no need to put yourself at risk or subject yourself to your husband’s ugly outburst.   Your actions send a clear message that you have zero tolerance for such behavior and if your husband can’t contain himself, he risks losing you.

On the other hand, if your guy is just having a minor freak out…let’s say he has raised his voice and getting loud, then try leaving the immediate area.

Give him and yourself some space.  Walk away to another room.  And be sure you tell him not to follow you.  Tell him you need to be alone and to respect your privacy.

In my experience, men can react in one of two ways when you put distance between them and you.  A husband whose reasoning is still intact and has some semblance of decency will realize that they allowed things to get out of control and will respect your decision to walk away.

This cooling off period usually allows both parties of the marriage to get their emotions back under control.

But there is a certain segment of men that will become even more upset that you chose to walk away from them, right in the middle of their tongue lashing.

These kind of husbands are the control freaks of life.  He may be a narcissist or simply just a bad guy.  He may insist that you don’t walk away.

Some men may escalate their verbal attack and shout even louder at you to try to intimidate you.

The truth is that such a husband who resorts to this behavior is being abusive.

You need not tolerate this kind of outburst.  If your husband escalates his verbal assault on you, then leave the house.

Listen to Your Husband Without Engaging or Commenting.

be a good and quiet listener

Sometimes a guy has to vent.

And your silence throughout the episode can be powerful force.

He may be upset about something on his mind and can get himself so worked up that the least little thing can set him off.

If you are married to a guy who allows himself to get worked up and as a result starts getting loud or unruly when things  are not working out, there is a simple technique you can employ to diffuse his behavior.

Consider simply using your quiet voice to communicate with your man.

If he goes off half cocked about something and it is evident something is really bothering him and he starts unwinding, let him.  The truth is that he may not really be mad at you.  Your husband may not, in his mind, be directing his wrath at you.  You are just the unfortunate soul who is in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Of course it is much more than that.  Your man loves you.  It may not feel like it at the time, but he is using you (arguably in a selfish way) to help him exorcise his demons.  At least that is the case in this example.

So let him unwind as much as you can tolerate. It will help him get it all out and later he will feel better.  When he is letting loose his “angry at the world” speech, just try to listen.

Don’t argue or agree or disagree with him.  What he may really be looking for is someone who he loves and trusts that will serve as a sounding board as he works it all out.

Now if your husband’s yell fest turns in to a habit such that your husband is frequently raising his voice and yelling about everything and then drags you into his world of everything is dark and dreary….that is not a healthy routine.

If your husband starts to get comfortable with yelling at you or around you about anything, then we are getting into abusive territory.  And that is an area that is very unhealthy for marriage.

I think we will end this discussion right here today.  But I still have plenty of thoughts and advice on how you can navigate through a troubled marriage beset by a husband who too often falls prey to being a bad husband.

I do have some parting advice for you.

While those solutions I described above will work in many cases, there are some marriages in which the husband will not respond to any of those efforts.

Things like trust, respect, and honor may have deteriorated to such a degree the relationship between the husband and wife have become frayed and broken.

In such cases, more aggressive measures may need to be taken such as marital counseling, trial separation or bringing the relationship to an end.

I cover those matters and plenty more throughout this website.

So feel free to explore my website for any related topics of marriage that you feel you need to get up to speed on.  And as always, I encourage you to weigh in with your thoughts and feelings in the Comment Section below this post.


How likely is your marriage to succeed?

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65 responses to “Why Does My Husband Yell and Shout at Me All the Time

  1. My husband yelled at me tonight for tripping and falling. I told him it was an accident and he continued to blame me. This just gets very old!

    1. Try calmly telling your husband the next time he yells at you that you have little tolerance for his rude behavior. Then say nothing else, no matter what he says. People often yell as a way to get a reaction. Don’t give them what they are looking for.

      1. Mine just gets even more livid when I do that 🙁 He is also one of those for whom walking away from his outbursts makes the outbursts way, way worse.

      2. You’re not trained in this. Please stop. You are wrong. How DARE you tell the victim of an abuser to “try to calm the monster down”. As if it’s her fault. Just STOP. You’re making things worse.

        1. Hi Darcie…abuse is a serious matter and must be taken seriously. In no way do I advocate a person should be expose themselves to abuse and referenced that multiple times in the article. I cannot locate the phrasing your mentioned (i.e. “try to calm the monster down”). Where does this appear in the article?

        2. No you should escalate it to where it get out of control or dont know what your talking is you are wrong..

  2. Chris,
    My wife and I have been having a hard time since we got married back in January. Before we said “I do” everything seemed perfect. Then for some reason I became very hard to live with. I would get angry for the least little thing, yelling and cussing, and then apologizing profusely after the fact. At one point we started going to a marriage counselor and it really seemed to help our marriage. For nearly three months we lived a happy carefree marriage and she even said our marriage was saved. Then on Thursday August 17, I became angry and yelled. I almost immediately apologized but the damage was already done, and she defaulted to she couldn’t do this anymore, that she loved me and wished our marriage would work but she was done trying. I calmed her down and we had a wonderful week and weekend this last week. Then when we got home Sunday afternoon she got upset and started talking about divorce again. Saying again that she wanted our marriage to work but didn’t think she could move past things I’d said and how I’d yelled. It upset her to the point she even threw up. As a last ditch effort I suggested a separation and she agreed, saying that if I wasn’t there all the time that maybe she could start moving past the yelling and cussing because she wouldn’t be constantly worried about diffusing a fight that hadn’t happened yet. She seems less stressed but says she’s not making any promises. I will mention that its a good possibility that my medicine I take causes the mood swings and I am having that checked today. If this is the case maybe she can find it easier to forgive and for us to move on and save our marriage. I’m sorry for this being so long, but I desperately want our marriage to work. Thank you

    1. I think there are high hopes for your situation. A trial separation can sometimes give people room to let the emotions recede and realize that the marriage is not defined only by some of the ugly outbursts that have happened.

      Giving your wife some room to heal and offering positive emotional support is a step in the right direction. Keep her posted on what is happening with your medicine regiment. If you do find there is a correlation, send her some links explaining how your medicine dosage can contribute to mood swings, while underscoring that despite this, you take responsibility for your behavior. But be sure to give her room. Too much contact during this period may work against you. Consider getting anger management counseling and make her aware of it. When you meet up with your wife again, don’t rush things. Treat her like you would if you were dating her and allow for the trust to rebuild. Picking up the marriage counseling again may be useful if you gain her confidence that they two of you should resume your marriage.

      1. I would love to pick up the marriage counseling again and I am currently still going weekly by myself. She has stated that she is done talking about our feelings and that we either need to work this out like adults or let it be done. What she has said is that she needs to figure out whether or not she can get past the things I said when I was yelling at her. I will add that I had these outbursts about every week to two weeks. Sometimes several weeks would go by without one and then all of a sudden I would become angry. I do want to add that nothing was ever physical and she has said she never felt physically threatened by my actions. What I can’t understand is we were doing so well and I messed up one time and she defaults to the possibility of divorce. I have wondered if she is just looking for a way out and doesn’t want to feel guilty. I’m not sure I believe that though, because she has said repeatedly she doesn’t necessarily want a divorce, and that she loves me. We are supposed to meet tonight to go birthday shopping for my dad and then we are supposed to watch a movie. I’m not sure how I am supposed to act; am I supposed to hold her hand and kiss her like normal or what?

        1. Just play it like a first date. No kissing or hand holding, unless she clearly initiates. Be nice and pleasant and avoid any discussion about the relationship. Don’t bring up the past outbursts or say you are sorry. Just keep those topics off the radar. Smile and be agreeable and have fun.

          1. I will do my best to take your advice and use it. She has been fairly affectionate with tight hugs and big kisses when I’ve seen her the last couple of days but I will try to keep my side to a minimal unless she starts it. I’m sure I will have more questions after this time with her tonight. Thankyou

          2. That’s a really good sign. Certainly embrace her affection if she offers it. Just keep everything positive and offer her a nice little compliment about her looks or what she is wearing. Keep the focus though on having fun. Act a little shy. She will notice your behavior is a bit different and realize you are serious about making everything better for her so life is more fulfilling for both of you.

          3. I will definitely keep all that in mind. I just have to keep telling myself that I can’t be too overbearing. I tend to be more clingy than her so that part is hard for me sometimes. I will keep you posted on how it goes and I’m sure I’ll have more questions after tonight. I just wish I knew what was going on in her head.

          4. Its going to work out well. Don’t think about it anymore. Do something really physical to get the tension out. Just think of your times together as an opportunity to have fun. Live in that moment. Don’t think about the past or the future. Keep it all chill.

          5. Well, the doctors visit went fairly well. He asked me a few questions and had me take a test. He said I fall into the category of moderately depressed which he said can manifest itself in mood swings and sudden bursts of anger. She and I went to dinner afterwards which seemed to go well, but she wasn’t wearing her ring. I’m not sure this is enough to help her get past everything but I pray it is.

          6. That’s good news. Don’t worry about the ring thing. That is just her expressing a little independence. Just allow things to progress slowly. Little steps and let positivity take the lead.

          7. So I don’t need to worry about her not wearing the ring at this point? She also asked me to come by this afternoon to help her set up a record player and invited me to listen for a few min with her. She did specify she didn’t want me to stay too long though. Also we are supposed to go on a date Friday but I’m not sure what we’re doing yet; any ideas on that? Then we’re going to church Sunday and lunch afterwards so I guess at least we’re hanging out and she’s making an effort. I just dread her sending a text that she’s done without trying anymore.

          8. Just keep playing it cool. Be nice and supportive. Don’t crowd her. Things are moving smoothly. As far as the date, perhaps something that she enjoys doing or something neither of you have tried. Being outside in the sunshine can always lift people’s mood.

          9. Well, we weren’t planning on seeing each other today but it’s my dads birthday and she had his card so I had to go get it. While we I was there she told me she had asked a lawyer how much a divorce would cost, and that she’d be ok if we went ahead and got one. She said a small part of her still wanted this to work but she thought I’d pushed her too far. I tried to explain to her that the person that was yelling wasn’t me and that hopefully the medicine my doctor prescribed would fix that. She said that didn’t excuse anything, but she herself takes depression and anxiety medicine. I feel like she’s being unfair but I don’t know how to respond to it.

          10. Keep being as positive as possible in all your interactions with her. Don’t press her. It seems she is trying to get in touch with her feelings, so don’t give her any negative energy to work with. These matters are seldom determined on the basis of what a person might say in one moment. It seems you are getting mixed signals from her and I suspect that is due to her internalizing what she thinks is best. As more time passes, her resentment for how she feels she was treated may subside and provide you both with opportunities to grow closer and work through things. Yes, maybe she is being unfair, but I think she is searching for answers. Lead with positivity and kindness. Kindness overcomes just about everything. The most successful of marriages are all about gestures of kindness.

          11. She told me yesterday that she was ready to file. She said she didn’t want to be married anymore. That it wasn’t a good experience for her. She say she loves me and always will and she doesn’t want to divorce but it’s what she feels is what she should do. Then she said she still wanted me in her life and we could date but not live together. She’s a very independent person and I think it got hard and she decided she liked her life better the way it was before me.

          12. Frankly, she sounds confused if she actually means what she says. On one hand she is essentially saying she wants to split up. But then she says she doesn’t want to, though she doesn’t want to live together. As I suspected before, It seems she is searching for solutions to how she wants to live her life.

            She appears to control the power balance in the relationship.
            She also appears to genuinely enjoy you being part of her life.

            You could go along with her way of thinking and see how things progress. Maybe she will change her mind later about filing for divorce because it is a step backwards.

            The other option would be to initiate a No Contact period but first calmly and lovingly explaining to her that you don’t favor a divorce. That you feel it is a mistake. That its rushing things and taking the relationship to a negative conclusion. It may do you both good in evaluating what is best going forward. Maybe without being able to see you, talk with you and spend time with you, she will realize that seeking a divorce is not wise.

            I can’t be sure what would be best. One option carries the risk of just letting her get her way on her own terms which you don’t favor, resulting in the two of you growing apart since you would live apart. The other option carries the risk of antagonizing her since she would not be able to simply have her way and see and talk with you when she wants. She wouldn’t be able to have her cake and eat it too, which could cause her to resent you.

            Essentially, you could do nothing and hopes it gets better and she changes her mind. Or you could do something and hope things improve, but with the risk of things getting worse.

            I wish I new what was the right path. I don’t. You are closest to the situation.
            But remember whatever happens in the future, it doesn’t have to be a terrible thing. Whether she is the special woman in your life or not in the distant future, it doesn’t mean you can’t be happy and can’t have a fulfilling relationship with another woman, if it ever comes to that.

            I am still optimistic about your chances with your wife. Whatever happens, you can only partly influence so it is not entirely up to you what eventually unfolds. When we accept that life is a journey and that there will be twists and turns, it is much easier to navigate through life and accept what unfolds.

    2. At least you are seeking help amd admits your mistake. My husband has very similar attitude and it is my biggest burden. Most of the people around me says I am very very patient wife. No one knows I also feel.very bad and wishes to end my marriage as I am having hard time. My tolerance towards stress is getting low. Every time he yells at me because what he wants at work wasn’t done according to what he wants, he takes out his frustration towards me. It is so unfair. He also wants to talk louder than anyone else and his listeners gets irritated and stress out listening to him. The wife of his friend came to me and complains that my husband attended the party of her daughter however he was telling all his frustrations at work creating an unhealthy environment. She didn’t feel good about it as their visitors were their to celebrate and be happy. Same complains I also get from other people about my husband. Even at work he will shout as he wishes and doesn’t mind what the other office will tell. I am so tired and have other things that other women can’t tolerate in marriage and will probably end the marriage in a year. I am now married to him without any kid. That’s another issue and it is really so hard. I don’t have anyone to talk to as I am living in a small island and my husband has somehow influence towards others in exchange of helping them , some people don’t care what other people will go through in exchange of getting something or instigating anger towards somebody. It’s hard, sometimes I just want to end my suffering. My fear towards God is the only reason why I am still here. I wish I would have someone I don’t know personally to talk to from time to time. Thank you as I got a chance express what I am going through…

  3. Well, she has decided to file. She doesn’t want to be married anymore but she wants us to go back to just dating. We would live separately and maybe move back in together somewhere down the line. She went to the lawyers office today to have papers drawn up. She says we’re a great couple, just not married.

    1. Well of course, what she is saying makes little sense. But you know that. You said she prizes her independence. It seems that maybe it is her streak of independence that is ruling the day. Perhaps somewhere down the road she will start being honest with herself and you. Frankly, it is an unusual approach.

      But it sounds a heck of a lot better than some couples I know who are not even on speaking terms.

      Still, I can understand your confusion and disappointment.

      After all, if you want to be with someone and date and maybe even live together, you don’t do things that tear away at the marriage.

      This one is hard to figure out.

      Either she is fooling herself

      Or she is not being totally honest with you.

      Or she is just fiercely independent and has convinced herself this is the path to take.

      1. We are supposed to go sign the papers tomorrow. My only hope now is, in TN they have to sit for 60 days before the judge will sign them, and that she will have a change of heart during this time. She just keeps saying marriage left a bad taste in her mouth and we’re a great couple, just not married. I feel like if she wants to be with me after the divorce then why not just stay married and work on it. At this point though it’s almost like she’s rushing us to sign the papers. To top it off she wants us to go on a date after we sign tomorrow; dinner and a movie. I love her but I am very confused right now.

        1. I understand your confusion. As I have said, her behavior is unusual. At some point in the near future, (not during the upcoming date) you can simply express you are confused about her behavior. Don’t make it into an accusation or allow the discussion to become difficult. Without any drama or anger or feelings of resentment, just point out the obvious. Listen to what she has to say and tell her thanks for explaining her views to you. Perhaps this will, without pressure, trigger a desire within her to revisit her rationale.

          1. Nothing at all unusual about her behavior. Sometimes we are just done. My husband’s constant verbal abuse has led me to a similar conclusion, except that I don’t even want to date him. I just want him to find someone new who can make him happy and will hopefully be better equipped to deal with him constantly screaming when something doesn’t go his way.

          2. While this is an old article let me just point out that when you yell at your wife, you’re being verbally abusive. There is no excuse. If that poor woman didn’t bring the whole thing to an extreme conclusion, the aggressor she married would still be yelling. They’re all the same except for this: some yellers deny yelling in the first place.

  4. And frankly, the person yelling WAS you. Kind of like expecting a spouse to stay with an alcoholic because he’can’t help it’. All that means is she won’t be treated right, so she needs to leave. And Chris: you say ‘she’s confused’? In any situation like this the only answer is the emotional and physical well being of the abused person. She’s trying to wrap her head around the fact that her husband actually is abusive. And that she needs to get away from him. And if he can’t change permanently, then too bad for him.

  5. Again. The ONLY concern in an abusive marriage is for the emotional, mental, and physical well being and safety of the abuser’s target. All the ‘reasons’ for his abuse, are not a factor. Being abused is horrible, plain and simple, and completely and utterly unacceptable, to any degree. An abuser ( even if non physical) is not ready, or able, to have a healthy relationship. An abuser cares more about venting rage, anger, frustration, depression, … or whatever, than his wife or relationship. Period. A healthy relationship cannot tolerate abuse, for whatever reason. Apologies, and promises mean nothing. The simple question is: is he capable of abuse?

  6. Hello Chris! My husband knows that I feel he is yelling. However, he is Chinese and always says, “This is how I talk. You live in La La Land.” Should I just accept that this is who he is? I know that is my “analytical” self when I realize that he won’t change (do we really change over the course of our life?). If I think he is going to change and I have “hope,” I am always looking for a nice word. However, it is everyday that I have to say, “Calm down; don’t spank the kids; don’t yell at your mom; speak in a nice tone.” I had a panic attack at work and came home and said I wanted to go part – time. He said he wanted to divorce me because I was “unstable” with my income. I am currently in a doctoral program and will graduate in 1 year with my Ph. D. Part – time work would allow me to spend time with our twins (4 years old) and work on my dissertation. I want a calm house. I grew up with a dad who is very calm and never raised his voice. It is hard for me to live in this situation, because I don’t want to teach our kids that getting frustrated and raising your voice is “OK.” It is not “normal.” Once I start think it is normal, there is really something wrong with me. I am the person in the relationship that says, “calm down,” and he is the person in the relationship that yells. I don’t want to get a divorce, but sometimes I think about my life. When I am not near him I am happy and relaxed. Divorce is traumatic, but the situation is traumatic as well. I am not ready yet but in the future I might after this degree is finished and the girls are a little older.
    Thank you for listening! I really enjoy your website!

    1. You are right. No one deserves to be in a relationship where “yelling” is the norm. There are many paths for us all to consider in life. Choose one that is right for you and your children. Yes, people can change over time. But usually, big, meaningful changes require an intervention of some kind or something equally big and meaningful to trigger the change. I am not saying your husband cannot learn to modify his behavior. But from what you say, it doesn’t even sound like he is willing to try and that of course will not need lead to the type of relationship you are looking for in your life. You seem like a very bright and special person who cares about the quality of your children’s life and your own life. I think your mind and heart will come up with the right solution.

    2. “When I am not near him I am happy and relaxed.”
      Exactly how I feel, and life is way too short to deprive ourselves of that feeling in the name of a legal contract.

  7. Chris,
    I’m here because this just happened…again. My husband bullies me, I know that’s all it is. He starts yelling and putting me down as a way to try to get me to follow his thinking. Tonight I calmly got up, said I was going into the other room. He said “run away like you always do,” to which I replied “I’m going in the other room because you are being insulting and disrespectful to me, and I do not deserve it.”
    About 3 minutes pass, and he kicks the bedroom door open (it was closed, but not locked) and he got inches from my face, literally screaming as loud as he can, calling me every name in the book…things no one should have to hear. He slams his fists on the bed, throws things around the room, all while screaming at me. I tell him he is scaring me, and to please stop. He screams more, until he’s done. Then he leaves the room.
    About 10 minutes pass, I’m not leaving the bedroom. He comes in, looks at me and quietly says “you are the most inconsiderate person I’ve ever met in my life. I don’t know how you live with yourself.” And he leaves the house, not letting me know he’s leaving, other than the obvious very loud slamming of the door.
    Sadly, this isn’t the first one of these. It’s been 3 years of this, married for almost 6 months.
    I think this is abuse. If I don’t see things his way, if I try to exert any kind of individual thinking, or god forbid I want to take a class or something that doesn’t involve him, he goes off. Once or twice a month is pretty much the norm.

    Is this abuse? I think I should leave, but I love his kids (my step-kids) so much that I hate to leave. And of course, when I try to talk to him about fixing or ending our toxic relationship/marriage, he tells me I’m walking out on the 3 of them, leaving them high and dry, and that I will never be allowed to speak to them again. And I know he will badmouth me to them (he does this regularly, to make sure his 12 and 10 year old sons are on HIS side, not mine), our friends, my family…anyone who is unfortunate enough to lend an ear.
    This must be abuse…right?

    1. Yes, Lisa, what you described is emotional abuse and by your account is has been going on for about 3 years. This kind of ongoing behavior lends itself to a toxic, dysfunctional marriage. He seems to have difficulty checking his anger as it bubbles up out of control “once or twice a month” as you described. Until he acknowledges this problem and works with you to better manage it, it is likely to repeat.

      It’s unclear to me whehter he would be open to couples counselin or an Anger Managment Class. But until he realizes that he is putting his marriage at risk, he likely won’t have enough incentive to modify his behavior. Right now he seems to think he is entitled to fly of the handle and treat you in such a cruel manner. So in a way, he is unbridled. He needs to understand there are concequences for this kind of behavior. Perhap he can learn this without being offended or having another ugly encounter. If you feel uncomfortable with having that conversation with him alone, then having a family member with you is a possibility. Though some men react angrily when another person is dragged into a domestic situation. Of course leaving him on a trial basis is yet another option. Sometimes the fact that you felt it necessary to leave serves notice that something is really wrong with his behavior and could motivate him to enter into couseling. Leaving him for good is always another option.

      If you ever feel there is any risk of physical abuse, leave the house immediately. There are probably resources in your area for women who are subject to abuse (The National Domestic Violence Hotline). They can offer you counsel as may be needed.

  8. Hi, do you know anyone else that have a husband that yells every single day? Drinks 3-4 beers a day but a functional individual. Goes to work, provides for his family. Relentless, always seeking a new job say every 2 yesrs, and almost always gets the job or gets hired. I have been married to this man 20 years with 2 teenagers. This man even before marriage was always verbally abusive and even physical. I feel like it had contributed to my anxiety along with a stressful job. I am tired of getting yelled at everyday by him. I am tired of always feeling anxious. He is so loud my ears hurt when he screams. Is there something wrong with this man? If so, he will not admit it.

    1. Hi Jenn….what you described is an abusive husband. Obviously, I don’t know enough about your marriage to give you any definitive advice. But after all these years, the odds are not great the he is going to change. So perhaps you are at a crossroads where it time to take a “pragmatic” look at what is in your best interest and the interest of your children. There are always options. You still have a whole heck of a lot of life left and it is you who ultimately decides who you wish to be with. He sounds like a results oriented guy. Perhaps he doesn’t realize he has a lot to lose if he continues behaving this way. Are if he doesn’t care, then that says a lot about the kind of guy he is.

  9. Married 10 years, 3 kids 15, 8, and 5. It all started with the treadmill which we got before the fall. It was for me to use so I could still walk/run even in cold weather. These last few weeks, I have not been able to use as much as I would like due to some new health issues. Tpnight, for some reason, he decides to confront me about it, that I should just put it in storage and not out (to the side) in our living room (is the only space it will fit properly). I calmly told him, “No” and began explaining why. I had barely gotten 2 words out when he interrupted me and started raising his voice at me, accusing me of being smug about it, and getting an attitude. I had just sat down from a long day, taking our daughter to and from parish school, and was merely replying to his statement. And it all went downhill from there, him dwelling on my “attitude” every time he mentions cleaning up clutter, in this case, the treadmill. Then he walks off to the kitchen while going on with this tirade that I offended him, his tone of voice going up. Mind you, our 2 younger children were in the living room with us when all of this started. So while he is ranting in the kitchen, I try to say something but it seems to irritate him more. Of course, him being in the kitchen, I talk a little louder and he takes that as me yelling at him. Huh? Then he comes back to the living room and tells me to never yell at him, especially in front of the kids. AT this point, he is yelling at me. I told him I did not yell at him, I merely raised my voice a little so he could hear what I was saying, but not in a loud yelling manner. He even dared me to ask the kids if I yelled at him, so I did and they said that I didn’t. Then he accuses me of putting them in the a position they shouldn’t be in. Told him that he told me to ask them (“Why don’t we ask the kids if you yelled or not???!!!). I told him that I would just keep quiet for a while since he doesn’t listen to what I have to say anyway (which is true most times). He says that he hears me and I told him that “listening” is different from “hearing”. He said all he wanted to say was that if the treadmill wasn’t going to be used in the next few weeks, to get rid of it. I reminded him that I had simply answered “No” and was about to tell him the reason behind why I hadn’t used it lately, that he interrupted me. Again he went back to the “You are getting an attitude and that pisses me off”. Since coming back from the kitchen he had been yelling at me while I was still calmly sitting in my chair. He went as far as “You want to be obstinate? I can be obstinate too! If that treadmill isn’t moved in the next month, I will DESTROY it!!!” . Yes, he used that word. At this point, our 5 year old had already begun to cry, but he kept on. He then pointed out to an incident at a store a few days back. That time, I had purchased a new Thermos for my 15 year old so she could bring hot food to school. He saw it and pointed out to me while we were checking out, “Another one? I just threw out a bunch of those from the cabinet. Why are you getting another one? There’s so much stuff in those cabinets.”. To which I answered “Then maybe you shouldn’t have thrown those out. I am getting this because (our daughter) needs it.” He took that as yet another “attitude” and proceeded to point that out within earshot of the cashier, which I denied, of course, because it was just that…a reply to his statements. Back to current time…he said that I belittled him that day, which wasn’t true, of course. I told him that he belittles me whenever I am unable to get my words/thoughts out because he interrupts me and doesn’t give me the chance to say something, that I feel that I should just keep my mouth shut because he won’t let me finish speaking anyway. That irritated him even further.
    Anyway, it has always been like this. If I say or begin to say something that is not something he wants to hear, he takes it as me being an attitude and launches into a litany of sorts. And if I don’t say anything, he’ll take it as defiance. It is painful. I feel like I am not supposed to say anything that is not in agreement with what he wants/thinks. I try to bite my tongue sometimes, but I do not subscribe to this kind of treatment from him. Eventually I left the room to take a shower. I suddenly felt tired and guess what??? My blood pressure was sky high. He does not know nor did he care to know. It took me a while to get to the kitchen where he had moved to but all he did was look at me and go back to the living room. I took that as “I don’t want to talk to you.” and so I left and went back to the bedroom to sit down. He left for work without a word. Likely my Facebook messenger has a ton of messages from him; I have not opened it. He can say it through messenger but can’t sit and talk. I guess because if I reply, it’ll set him off again. LIke the only response he wants is for me to acknowledge that I was wrong, that I did have an attitude, etc. Am getting so tired of this. Our last spat was perhaps a couple of weeks ago.

    1. Hi Eileen! I am very sorry your husband behaved (or behaves) in such an angry way. He initiated the confrontation and his overbearing manner certainly does not contribute to having a productive conversation.

      It sounds like he could learn something about the importance of “kindness” in a marriage. I write about it all the time and it is vital to every relationship. From your writing, it is evident you are an exceptionally articulate person so don’t put any stock on his remarks about you not being able to get your words out. When someone is using bullying tactics and constantly interrupting, it is impossible for anyone to get out what they want to say. Just dealing with the raw emotions of feeling attacked and not understood makes it difficult for anyone.

      Going forward, I think your husband would benefit if he understood how every time he ramps up a fight by using angry and hostile tones, it injures the marriage. Having this conversation with him is best when things are calm. Perhaps there is something going on with him that is making him fussy. Perhaps he will open up about that. Or maybe this is a bad routine he has fallen into, thinking there are no repercussion for behaving like this. But there are. A marriage suffers and you are hurt. Why keep hurting someone you love, he should ask himself. This is the selfishness side of fighting. He just wants to strike back and score some fighting points and “prove” he is right about “whatever”. That is all ego stuff which is a selfish expression. It is a ugly routine couples can fall into He doesn’t process properly how much he is hurting you and how it makes you feel. If you can explain how this makes you feel, so he understands it on a personal level, maybe the light will go off.

      I have written a number of articles on dealing with conflict and conflict assessment, so feel free to take a look around the website.

  10. My husband very mental abusive. I feel like I’m drowning. Scared to say something because he will yell or blame me. My husband has left me, took out money and opened another account. He doesn’t think he’s done any wrong. He’s in remission from cancer. I got so fed up with him hurting me at times and said I hope your cancer comes back. I’m so deeply sorry and have asked for forgiveness so much and from God. I was wrong but I wanted him to know what hurt was. Since this he throws it up and yells more. He’s the meanest man I’ve ever known. He’s got my children on his side, don’t know how. I think because of the cancer. I spend time in prayer. I’m so broken.

    1. Hi Yvonna. Forgive yourself for what you said out of anger. You know you did not mean it and so does he. The fact that he throws that in your face reflects more on the kind of person he is. It is time to move forward as you have a full life to live and you need not subject yourself to abusive any longer. Your husband is only one person in a very large world. Don’t allow him and his antics color your attitude. Chances are the children will come around to seeing the bigger picture over time. He who is abusive, does not easily put down that sword and his real self will emerge for all to see.

  11. Dear Chris,

    I had an arguement yesterday with my husband over the reason he borrowed my dads car without letting me know. I was angry the last time regarding something similar to this situation and he knows I don’t like it. He is very clear what kind of personality I have and that not informing me of things would upset me.

    When I begin my conversation with him yesterday, he still tried to lie by saying he forgot to tell me ( the fact is he is using the car everyday and he just doesn’t admit ) I got angry about his behavior and start rambling with anger. I said I am feeling very upset and annoyed with you not informing me about you or your family asking help from my parents and that is disrespectful. I told him that i have the right to know things and be included, because I am the closest person to him now. We are married about 11months now. Although this kind of fight are not often. But I don’t want him to scream or shout or throw smashing furnitures when he is angry ( so far he did these about few times in this one year of marriage). Every time after the fight I will remind him that it is unnecessary and disrespectful also very unhealthy for our relationship if he does that. I often ask him if I did this (screaming or shouting) and he said no, I then explained to him that is because I cherish our marriage and I hope he will do the same thing for me in return. ( I only raise my voice and that is the worse I have ever done from the beginning of our relationship) Unfortunately, his bad behaviors just keep coming back when he is really angry. Sometimes I wonder if it’s because his parents are always fighting in front of him and in turn influenced him to be this way.

    By now it’s be a day I haven’t spoken to him. ( btw we are currently apart from each other because I’m studying aboard in other countries, I have 2 months of holidays every half year to go back to visit him)

    I’m feeling very troubled about what to do next. I need advice on what I can do in the future to practice everyday to make our relationship function in a healthier manner.

    1. Just to add up something about my comment.

      i am a very calm and reasonable person (especially when i am in a fight with him) and i never get fed up ever. the worst i have done is raising my voice and blame him none stop.

      i hold my temper when times he does this (shout or throw things) because i know if i get angry and be like him, it will only led to divorce. And that is not something i look for.

      times like this i felt our relationship is fragile, but i did so much investments (being very nice and kind to him and his family)

      I always come back to talk to him ( said alot of things) after our fight and he said i am lecturing him. He said he is getting sick of me treating him like a student.

      1. Thanks for the clarification Shelly. You are doing the things to keep the relationship on its track. But obviously it takes two people treating each other with kindness and respect to make a relationship shine.

    2. Hello Shelly! Sometimes having some space from each other helps people reset and realize the damage they are causing to their marriage. I am sorry he is abusive to you. It is unfair. You need not tolerate this if it continues because we all have choices.

  12. Thanks so much for your advice. I have been going to a therapist just to be able to deal with my husband’s constant daily anger. I have done all that you mentioned and that still doesn’t work. I’m going to have a nervous breakdown if I stay with someone who is literally always angry. I can’t ever talk to him about anything without him playing the victim. I’m so done.

  13. My husband is under a lot of stress, but this is causing him to stress about everything and yelling about everything. He screams at me in front of our kids and then upsets them. I have tried talking to him but this just leads to yelling and it being my fault. I don’t know what to do, but I don’t want my kids around it and thinking this is the norm.

  14. This yelling by husbands are really weird behavior. I agree it is like a bipolar mood swing or having severe pms. I don’t know what makes men fly off the handle like this or why they can’t control their emotions. Men seem to be able to hide it so well at work but coming home all hell breaks loose. This is what I don’t understand about men. Why can’t they go for a run or go to the gym to let off steam? Why do some men resort to yelling at their wife? That is a really shitty thing to do to someone else. Maybe they are unhappy in their marriage. They should just separate or get a divorce. Why drag out and torment another person because of your own unhappiness? Why destroy 2 lives? Life is really short. If it’s broke then leave!

  15. If I ask him to lower his voice, he gets defensive because “that is his normal tone of voice.” If I ask him to stop yelling because it hurts me, he gets mad because I am insinuating that he is abusing me. If I leave the room, he gets upset because I am avoiding the problem. If I remain silent, he gets upset because I am ignoring him. Counseling appointment scheduled.

    1. My husband does the same thing. Nothing I do works. Everything you named, I have tried and it escalates until he gets winded. I have to lock myself in the room but then he claims I don’t care and that I am not trying to understand him. Sorry but I can’t sit there and keep taking it. I have had several panic attacks. One suicide attempt and I’m just done. This man is literally taking my life.

      1. Dear Deon,

        After reading your comment about the difficulty you are experiencing, including panic attacks and a suicide attempt, you should know that I am not a licensed counselor or psychologist and therefore I don’t feel properly equipped to advise you.

        My best recommendation going forward is for you to speak to a licensed counselor, therapist or a psychologist. Given your current circumstances, I believe those mental and relationship health professionals are better able to support you during this difficult time in your life.

        Your Health and Safety is paramount.

        You matter and are very important to many people.

        If you are feeling depressed and/or suicidal, there is help for you.

        If you live in the United States, you should know that the The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis.

        So if you are at risk for suicide, homicide or other harm or injury, please call 911 or seek other help (such as a hospital emergency room or doctor’s care) immediately. If you need help from the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, please dial:

        1-800-273-TALK (8255)

        You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With over 120 crisis centers across the country, their mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential.

        If you live outside of the United States, then please contact the appropriate help services such as a counselor, therapist, doctor, mental health professional or any organization chartered to help those in need.

  16. Drives me crazy. Every time my husband starts yelling at me over the pettiest of things I tell him he is yelling and he never admits it. He says “I’m not yelling” as he stands there and yells and I’m just about to the point of being done. At other times he admits it only after I have caught him on tape doing it. At that point he promises to work on not doing it anymore but it always happens again and again and again. I think I’ve tried just about everything short of actually leaving him.

  17. Tuesday July 20, 2021 5pm

    I was making dinner and was not in a very good mood; not really for any specific reason. I was just tired.

    Dinner was just about ready, and I went to get the plates from the cabinet, but none were there.

    I was very annoyed, and I asked Dewey and Savannah where all of the dinner plates were.

    Neither would answer me with anything except shrugging their shoulders.

    This made me more upset because I felt like neither of them cared about eating dinner.

    However, I knew at least Dewey was VERY hungry because he texted me as such about an hour before this whole thing happened.

    Anyway, I figured it out, that the plates were never cleaned, and they were in the dishwasher.

    I was clearly not happy, and I bitterly asked Dewey if he could help me by washing them right now.

    He did, and then he also seized the opportunity (as he does so often) to talk to me like a child and using the situation as a lesson.

    He lectured me that he knew they were dirty since this morning, before he left for work, but it wasn’t his responsibility to clean them or to start the dishwasher because that was our 11 year old daughter’s responsibility. (Please know, that our daughter was not even in the same part of the house while he lectured this to me).

    I explained to him, that I didn’t know they were dirty.

    I told him it would have been helpful if he texted me the knowledge of the dirty plates sometime during the day, especially since he took the chateaubriand ($150) out of the freezer before he left for work at 6:30am, so that it would be defrosted for this afternoon.

    I said he obviously wanted me to cook it for us for dinner.

    It truly never occurred to me that every single dinner plate would be missing from the cabinet.
    Otherwise, I would have cleaned them while everything was cooking.

    This really was a very stupid argument, I thought to myself!

    Anyway, he kept repeating that it was not his responsibility, and this was a clear lesson of cause and effect.

    His words were very smug and condescending and repetitive.

    So, I finally decided to say it back to him; in a calm manner just as he was doing.

    I said, “Well, it wasn’t my responsibility to make sure the dishes were cleaned and put away either, so next time I will check before I start making dinner, and if this happens again I will just not cook dinner.”

    Well, my above calmly spoken statement triggered him into an intermittent explosive attack!

    I was stunned frozen in a corner of the kitchen.

    He came full throttle at me within an inch of my face screaming at me for making him lose his temper.

    I asked him to stop and for him to back away, since I was cornered.

    He only became more angry, and his blazing eyes were an inch from mine.

    He was screaming at me so close to my face, that I could literally feel the wind from his breath on my face and it made my eyes water.

    I told him to get out of my face.

    He refused to listen.

    I felt like I had no choice but to try to push him away from my face.

    In doing so, I pushed on his chest, which was absolutely useless, as he is a big man.

    I tried again at his neck, which worked a little.

    However, this made him IRRATE and explosive, and he screamed at me to NEVER push him away at his throat again!

    He screamed at me to NEVER EVER lay my hands on his throat.

    I told him I just wanted him to back up.

    He screamed in my face again.

    I pushed him on his throat again so that he’d back up, because I was going to try to leave the kitchen to a safer location.

    He grabbed me by both arms and shoved me into the counter!

    After he realized what he had done, he stormed away from me and exploded into a physical rage damaging our dinner table, breaking a water pitcher, and making one hell of mess in the kitchen.

    Then, he grabbed his keys and headed for the door.

    In the past, I would beg him to stay and not to leave in an angry rage whenever these situations occurred.

    This time, however, I had had enough.

    I told him to go calm down and leave.

    I may have also told him to have a great time, but I don’t know why I said that though.

    We have only one car, so maybe it dawned on me that now I would be stranded here.

    Anyway, after he left, our daughter came out of her bedroom to the kitchen.

    She apologized to me for not cleaning the plates.

    She asked me when Daddy would come back.

    I told her (as I cleaned up the kitchen explosion) that I had absolutely no idea. Maybe tonight or tomorrow.

    She said okay.

    Meanwhile, dinner was all served at the table this entire time, and so I asked her if she wanted to eat with me. She said she wasn’t hungry. To be honest, I wasn’t hungry anymore either.

    So, after I cleaned up everything, I packaged the dinner up and put it all in the fridge.

    I also cleaned all the dishes and started the dishwasher.

    Then, I went to bed to research why this may have happened on the internet, and I found advice telling me to diary the whole event from my point of view.


    Well… I feel almost like I don’t give a shit anymore.

    This is the 2nd or 3rd time he has had one of these attacks at me since we’ve lived in Florida.

    While we lived in NYC he was taking his Zoloft religiously.

    He stopped taking it about 2 months after we moved to Florida.

    He didn’t think he needed it anymore.

    I used to get so upset and I would cry for hours after one of his explosions aimed at me.

    He used to scare me to the point where I’d be huddled in a ball on the floor shaking with fear.

    That was 5 years ago.

    Now, I still feel scared and a little shaky, but I don’t care that he left temporarily.

    I’m sure I’ll cry soon while I wait hoping he’ll return, but I also know when or if he comes back, that he may very well act as if nothing ever happened, and I’ll be left to suck it up so to speak and have to just get over it.

    That’s how I feel.

  18. Hi, am tired of being yelled at for each and every thing by my husband. I feel mentally/physically drained now after 30 years of married life. He accuses me of not behaving like a wife, of not cooking or looking after the house properly, etc…I stopped working on his insistence. He controls and over powers me. I’m exhausted, he doesn’t like my going out. Am fed up, I’ve lost all my self esteem and confidence. How do I tell him that I want to leave him????

  19. He just yells at me and raises his voice at me a lot even for the littlest things and I feel stuck because outside of that he’s an amazing guy but he loses control and turns into a different person. Really need help and advice on this.

  20. When I disagree with him about anything, he yells. This time I wanted to die. I took 7 vicodin pills not enough to die but enough to make me very sick. I don’t want to react like this, but it happens every month or so. He does not think I am wrong about the issue, just that I should not disagree with him.

    1. After reading your comment about the difficulty you are experiencing, including possible suicidal thoughts, you should know that I am not a licensed counselor or psychologist/psychiatrist and therefore I don’t feel properly equipped to advise you.

      My best recommendation going forward is for you to speak to a licensed counselor or therapist (psychologist/psychiatrist). Given your current circumstances, I believe those mental and relationship health professionals are better able to support you during this difficult time in your life.

      Your Health and Safety is paramount.

      You matter and are very important to many people. You are loved and you are cared for by your friends and family. There is much more waiting for you in this life.

      If you are feeling depressed and/or suicidal, there is help for you.

      If you live in the United States, you should know that the The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis.

      So if you are at risk for suicide, homicide or other harm or injury, please call 911 or seek other help (such as a hospital emergency room or doctor’s care) immediately. If you need help from the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, please dial:

      1-800-273-TALK (8255)
      You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With over 120 crisis centers across the country, their mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential.

      If you live outside of the United States, then please contact the appropriate help services such as a counselor, therapist, doctor, mental health professional or any organization chartered to help those in need.


      Chris Seiter

  21. I’m sorry but don’t ever post an article saying “how to train a man” we’re not dogs. No man should ever be degraded to a woman granted yeah men arguing with women yeah that’s typical but 9 out of 10 it’s always the woman starting the fights. If you go online and look up my wife is yelling at me it’s always ways to counteract it but yet if a man is yelling at a woman the first thing listed is abuse…. NO! It’s abuse in both directions not just one. I personally have been in enough relationships where I was the one who was always blamed for everything in the relationship she could do no wrong she had a dream of me cheating on her yet screaming yelling at me for something that never actually happened but only in her mind. Yet I’m not supposed to get angry about that? Nothing like being constantly accused of cheating or having other people and it ain’t going to make you angry? I think women need to have their heads examined they need to stop reading Cosmo because it’s giving them false information same thing with these love novels and love movies because it never happens in real life and that’s what they expect and if it doesn’t they go into a piss rage and start blaming the men for it it could be 100% their fault but yet it’s the man’s fault and they’re mad at the man. Maybe she should understand that if he says something to her she should actually listen and get the thought out of her head that she’s always right and men don’t know anything. Because a lot of women have a problem listening that I don’t know how many times I’ve explained something to my girlfriend and she still screws it up. all these articles they don’t realize men are more abused than women are these days, men are constantly used as Banks. They want us to be sensitive but yet complaining we’re not being masculine enough. We try to be nice and open a door or off for help with some we’re being too masculine. They want us to open up our feelings and that kind of stuff but then get into a fight later on and throw it back in our face. I think this abuse page should be more of how to not abuse your man and how to appreciate him for the things that he does.

  22. my hubby keeps having terrible outbursts calling me thick and says i embarrass him, but ive not done anything wrong, it was just i didnt understand what he was asking me 🙁

  23. My husband yells all the time and he almost never apologizes. I used to think he was narcissistic but I don’t think he actually is, I think he is on the spectrum. At any rate I am getting so fed up with his yelling. He always thinks he is justified for yelling no matter how many times he agrees when he is calm that he should not yell at me. I see a lot of women talk about how their husband is frightening when he yells at them but my husband doesn’t frighten me at all, if anything I just get really, really angry at him that he continues to treat me this way. I take the yelling for a while but finally I lose it all over him and cuss him out and tell him what an a-hole he is being. Then it’s like nothing that led up to all this means anything at all, all he talks about is MY temper and how dare I use such language and how abusive my language is to him. It’s maddening. In his mind all our fights boil down to me losing my temper on him, even though he might be yelling at me for hours before I finally react. I have no idea what to do. We’re in counseling but I feel like we are dancing around the issue rather than really dealing with him. I’m broken inside and I don’t know what to do. I can’t divorce him — I don’t want to, and I can’t afford to. We need to figure this out.